Kolami 18: Chapter One

If you haven’t read Kolami 17: Once Upon pt 2 [click to link]

Ahead to Kolami 19: Mister Sinister [click to link]

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“It’s okay to read for the Story. But it’s a good idea to read for the Art”

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Hey guys, I’m discontinuing the use of the Twitter account @theKolami [click to Like on facebook].

Like Kolami, I find it hard enough keeping up with what’s going on in my private life; let alone someone else’s. Sometimes I forget which is which. And I think it drains my phone battery a lot quicker too.

So I’ll be sticking with just my personal account, thank you very much. *Big smile*

Not to worry though. If you follow @theKolami, you’ll be getting a DM shortly. Then you’ll be followed by @theFiliac [click to follow]. Feel free to follow back for everything Kolami, and then some.

Yet again, I apologise for the delay.

Now To Business.

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Everybody want(s) to know what my Achilles heel is

Love! I don’t get enough of it

All I get are these Vampires and Bloodsuckers

– Jay Z (in Monster by Kanye West)

*

Kolami woke with a start. That was strange since he had just had the most delicious sleep in over a year—in Crash’s old bed. Symbolic? Wait for it.

He had spent the night without the familiar company of nightmares and sleep depravers. To be honest, he’d missed them just a little. He had grown accustomed to their regular visits; had even come to look forward to spending time with them.

We all deal with loneliness in different ways. Some choose to read their favourite authors, some surround themselves with cats, or dogs, or babies. Some others develop a deep affection for scented oils. Kolami had the Monsters in his dreams. It seemed a bit like his old friends were abandoning him right now.

The first thing that came to Kolami’s mind when his eyes popped wide open as though he hadn’t been asleep just a second earlier; refreshed and rejuvenated like he had just sucked the milk of life from the tits of Hygeia—the Greek Goddess of Good Health—was the fact that he had to call Mimi.

But then a second thought made him decide Mimi could wait. He climbed out of bed with a big ass grin on his face and trudged across the hall to his door. The sock was still on the handle and the music was still flowing out of the room. Kolami scratched his head for a second. Surely, they couldn’t still be going at it.

Wouldn’t that be something though? This was one of those very few times when he believed it was perfectly OK to be discourteous, and maybe even a little malevolent. He hoped Six and the girl—Evi—were doing it right now.

He fetched his spare key from its hiding place in the bathroom. It was one of those bogus metallic locks, the type with the security chain and the jamming system. They do a better job of getting you marooned than actually keeping the bad men—and women—out. And they have a tendency to lock you out if you rush off to the bathroom in the middle of the night and forget to take the key with you. For that sole purpose of avoiding late night ‘traumas,’ it’s always a good idea to have a spare key hidden somewhere [not in your room, silly].

As quietly and as swiftly as possible, Kolami unlocked the door and pushed it wide open. He was pretty darn sure he was failing woefully at concealing the impish grin that was making his facial muscles twitch, threatening to burst out wider and fiercer than The Joker’s [from the Batman series—but of course you already knew that].

He couldn’t wait to see the look of humiliation on Evi’s face. He had decided he wasn’t even going to be nice about it. He would call out her name as though in shock and act surprised and disappointed; tell the entire story right there in front of Six.

Six wouldn’t give a hoot. He might wish he’d known the story earlier though; perhaps he wouldn’t have bothered putting so much effort into satisfying her. He definitely wouldn’t have done that thing he loved to do and did so well with his tongue (or his whole face)—according to him.

Kolami stepped into the room beaming. The girl was standing a few feet away from him. She’d obviously just gotten out of bed. As Kolami had hoped, she was stark naked and the morning sunlight was pouring into the room, making it impossible to miss any features. For a second, he wished he’d stormed in with a video camera, and maybe even a video crew. Too bad YouTube doesn’t really encourage this level of fascination.

She swung around and faced Kolami full frontal upon hearing the door open. He could clearly see the flawlessness of her light skin and the tiny patch of hair between her legs. It was carved, most ironically, in the shape of a triangle; the Bermuda Triangle. He wondered how many had been lured into the dark abyss of eternal damnation by its gravitational pull.

Her breasts were perfect—near perfect—and so were the big, well rounded nipples thereof. Her face was contorted in fright and disbelief, and her jaw had practically dropped to the floor.

But Kolami’s mischievous smile soon turned upside down, for there was but one teeny tiny itty bitty problem [Yup, you know me too well by now]. Alas! The girl was not Evi.

Dangitty Dang Dang!

*

It took all of Six’s charm and Kolami’s way with words to convince the poor girl the whole thing was not a setup.

No, Kolami was not supposed to come into the room and try to do anything inappropriate whatsoever to her. Yes, she was perfectly safe. No, they weren’t perverts; although that last argument would forever remain open for debate.

When finally the whole misunderstanding was cleared and Six had put Number Six on a bus back to school, the two friends sat in the room; Six on the bed, Kolami in the seat beside it—he wasn’t laying in that bed till he changed the sheets.

“Who was that?” Kolami asked.

“I just told you her name.”

Even though Kolami couldn’t remember it, that was not the purpose of his question.

“What happened to the other girl?”

“What other girl?”

“The girl from last night”

“The girl from last night?” Six looked genuinely lost.

“The one that sent you a picture.”

“That was her nau.”

No way on Earth that was her. Kolami was certain he’d seen Evi’s picture. He’d even seen her Display Name.

“That was not Evi” Kolami said, a little irritated.

And then Six’s face broke into a warm smile. “You’ve never been a good actor,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“So you know Evi.”

Wow. But why did that change anything?

“So?”

“Why didn’t you tell me last night?”

Now that Kolami thought about it, he should have just told Six the whole short-story and begged him to make sure he broke her—or the headboards in her stead. Rather he had tried to play God. As you would expect, he had been cast to Earth like the troublemaker that he was.

“So what happened to Evi?” he asked. He was angry mostly at himself but was still really pissed at Six for breaking his fragile, recently fractured heart. It would have done a lot to raise his spirits to have seen the prankster get beaten at her own game.

“She wasn’t down,” Six replied matter-of-factly. “When I saw her, we chatted for a while then I suggested coming to town. She almost looked as if she was about to beat me up for saying such a thing.”

“Beat you up?” Kolami was certain Six was making all of this up.

“Dude, that girl is feisty. Don’t ever try to even hold her hand without her consent.”

“What about the picture she sent?”

“What about it? It’s not like her tits were out or anything.”

True that. But still, it had been one Hell of a picture. Quite clearly, Evi had a freaky side. So why did she turn down Six’s petition after blatantly teasing him. Had the whole thing just been another one of her selfish and inconsiderate pranks?

Damn! Had she gotten Six too? Well, almost gotten Six, too. Six had picked up Naked Girl easily enough at the show shortly after Evi had acted a fool. She wasn’t an OAU student though. She was from the new university just a couple of kilometres out of Ife [You know the one]. According to Six, he had indeed saved the best for last yet again. But Kolami had no interest in that.

Unless there was more to the story.

“Did she tell you why she didn’t want to leave with you?” Kolami asked. ’Cos she has a boyfriend, he imagined, mimicking the reply Evi gave him when he asked for her number at the deli just a few days earlier.

“Yea,” Six answered. “We talked for quite a while; she’s a lot of fun. She’s a little crazy though. But she’s a nice girl.”

Six appeared totally oblivious of the fact that he’d just been pranked by the girl. He even had a little almost-twinkle in his eye like he held her in esteem. Or did the girl have some eastern jazz (juju) she used to talk to men and make them do her will without knowing it?

“Yea, she’s awesome,” Kolami said sarcastically. “Your six days are up.”

Six laughed real hard. Obviously, he couldn’t believe Kolami was about to kick him out because he had failed to nail Evi.

“She said I should say Hi to you,” Six said between bellows of laughter.

“What?”

It was too early for Six to be drunk—not necessarily though.

“Yeah. When she saw the car, she asked whose it was.”

“And?”

“And I told her it was a friend’s. She asked for your name and I told her; Kolami.”

“But you call me Eni”

“You don’t like it when I introduce you to people as Eni”

That was true. Kolami couldn’t count the number of times he’d glared at Six for telling people his name was Eni; he loved Kolami.

“Immediately she heard the name, I swear I saw her blush.”

“Yeah?” Kolami relaxed a bit, but he was still pissed.

“I think you’re the only person in the whole world who bears that silly name.”

“Because I’m awesome,” Kolami said playfully. He was starting to calm down a little.

“Yeah. I bow in the presence of your awesomeness.” It was Six’s turn to be sarcastic. “She told me how you guys met and how she thought you were really cool, and how you’re a gentleman.”

Kolami searched Six’s face and voice at that point to see if Evi had tried to make him look silly by telling Six how she’d played the inane little prank on him with the food, but he couldn’t find any telltale signs.

“No be only gentleman,” Six was still saying. Obviously, he was not—had never been, even—of the opinion that Kolami had any decency in him; why would anyone assume he was a gentleman? “It occurred to me that you guys both stay in Abuja and you’re here in Ife together. Big ass coincidence.”

Nothing is ever a coincidence.

“And then she said something about not believing in coincidences and it totally freaked me out ‘cause you’re always saying dumb shit like that,” Six added, and Kolami could clearly see the disinterest in his face.

So apparently, Six had done the same thing he did a few years ago—which was the reason he’d come to be known as Six rather than Seven. He had passed on Evi because he thought she liked Kolami. And because he thought Kolami liked her back.

The only difference was, this time he had even gone the extra mile.

But that was destined to be a bloody waste of time. Kolami had Mimi on his mind.

A few hours later, Kolami dropped Six off at the car park. Six insisted on imparting sagely advice before heading off.

“You need to get off your ass and do some shit. Stop waiting for everything to fall in place. It just might fall on your head.” In the few days Six had spent with his dear friend, he must have seen enough to tell him Kolami needed some overhauling. “And don’t put all your hopes on getting back with Mimi.”

“I’m not putting all my hopes on anything.”

“If you asked me, I’d tell you to even close that chapter entirely. Even start a new tale. You can have a lot of fun here in the next few months before you leave.”

Kolami knew exactly what Six meant by Fun.

“I could give you a few contacts if you want.”

Kolami smiled at his friend and shook his head. “Thanks but no thanks.”

“Like that Evi girl. I think you guys would make a great team.”

“The girl is evil,” Kolami said in finality.

He had no idea.

*

“Life doesn’t always go the way we expect. Neither should a good tale; fiction or otherwise”

*

Kolami drove into campus after Six had left. He had called Mimi ahead. She had agreed to see him without any hassle. She hadn’t even made a fuss about the sudden breach in the long silence between them.

He got to White House before her and sat at the top of the stairs. It was Sunday afternoon. That meant the academic area was largely deserted. It’s at times like this one best appreciates the magnificence of Africa’s most beautiful campus.

The air had a sweet crispness to it; the cool breeze carried the whisper of a promise. Kolami allowed himself to hope.

She showed up a few minutes later. Clearly, she’d been to church. She looked gorgeous as she walked up the stairs, in her blouse and pencil skirt; as beautiful as Kolami remembered—as beautiful as he had feared—far more attractive than the scenery. Involuntarily, he rose to his feet in courtesy.

There was a brief hug that might have been awkward if it hadn’t been unseen. Kolami let her sit first. Her face was expressionless; there was neither anger nor joy. It was impossible to know what she was thinking. But Kolami had expected that. After all that had happened between them, and the way it all ended.

They sat quietly for a few seconds. It was a little more uncomfortable than Kolami had expected it to be; perhaps because she seemed far away. He didn’t know whether to open with some friendly chatter or go straight to business.

What was the business anyway? What was it that he wanted to tell Mimi? Or had he just wanted to see her so badly? Did he want them to get back together? Did he want to reopen old wounds?

He wanted to tell Mimi he had missed her. He wanted to tell her he still loved her.

“I’ve missed you, Mimi,” he finally started. “I’ve missed you like Hell. Since we broke up, I haven’t been the same. I realise what a fool I was letting you go. I’m still in love with you. I’ve never stopped being in love with you. I’m never gonna stop being in love with you.”

He was starting to feel it now; the passion was filling him. He wasn’t going to take No for an answer. He searched Mimi’s face for any emotions, any signs that he was getting through to her. He was getting something. It looked a bit like pity, or regret. That was a start.

He held her two hands in his; she let him. Her hands felt so soft and warm. He had missed them. They were the most wonderful hands God ever created. They sent a signal through him that made him want to kiss her. But he wouldn’t dare.

“I’m not afraid of your brother. I don’t even think his beef was ever with me. I should have been totally honest with you, but I wasn’t. And I’m sorry about that.”

At that point, Mimi looked away from Kolami. It was a tiny gesture, but it was one that made Kolami’s heart stop for a second. It didn’t matter. So Mimi had her own little secret she had refused to share with him. No biggie; he could live with it.

“I don’t care about all the things I don’t know about you,” he offered. “I’m in no position to judge you. I’ve done some stupid things in the past too. I want you back, Mimi. I want you forever.”

Slowly, she took her hands out of his and put them on his face. She was smiling a little now—even if it was a sad smile.

“I’ve missed you too,” she said, and Kolami could feel the sincerity in her voice. He allowed himself to smile; his heart soared. “I loved it when we were together and I was very angry at you after the breakup.”

“I’m sorry.”

“But after some time, I realised I was being unfair. I knew I had hurt you as much as you hurt me.”

“I hurt you more,” Kolami chipped in gallantly.

“It doesn’t matter,” Mimi replied. The smile was starting to fade off her face.

“I love you, Mimi.” Kolami hoped that would bring the smile back. It didn’t.

“I think the breakup was for the best,” she said. She sounded rather dejected all of a sudden.

“No!” Kolami couldn’t believe his ears. “No; we were good together. We are good together.” He was almost pleading now. He needed her to believe it.

“Yes, we are.” She smiled a little again.

Kolami smiled too. “I know.”

“But there are others involved.”

Bison. So her big bully of a brother had finally gotten to her.

“I’m not scared of your brother anymore.” Sure, there was still the ‘little’ detail about the Sex with Flaky, but that was nothing to worry about. “We’re both men—”

“It’s not Tomiwa,” Mimi cut in sadly. She looked like she wanted to cry now.

“Then who?”

Certainly, it wasn’t Flaky. He wasn’t even sure the two girls got along. It couldn’t be Tomi or Bankole either. That left only one main character.

“Leke.”

“What does Crash have to do with any of this?”

“When we started dating, I didn’t know we were going to fall in love. I swear I would have told you the truth.” The tears were starting to form at the corners of her eyes.

“The truth? What truth?” Kolami’s heart was beginning to race. He could feel the blood about to burst out of his ears; it hurt his brain. “What truth?” he asked again. He could tell he was starting to sound angry.

And now the tears were rolling down her cheeks.

“Leke and I used to be lovers.”

No Fucking Way!

F.

“… as ‘unnice’ as it may seem referring to people in such a manner, Kolami wasn’t interested in having any of Leke’s Leftovers” – Kolami 11: Perverted Mind [click to link]

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“Every Heart needs a good long break every now and then”

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